First Five Pages of Chapter One
June 24, 2005
This is a story about my family home, before it vanished,
and all that blue gray water before the house. In 2005,
our villa loomed over the Gulf of Mexico defying August
hurricanes that threatened to suck beach mansions into the
waves like surreal icebergs. Other manors had succumbed in
1927, `47, and`69. But the twenty-year span that birthed
the big hurricanes had passed, and my family felt safe.
I was seventeen and from New Orleans, ninety minutes away,
and Grandma in the ancestral tradition had expanded her
recreational compound, named Serenity, so that all the
family could go there in the summer. It was the biggest
and most impressive villa on the most exclusive strip,
Pass Christian, Mississippi. Built of steel post
construction and St. Louis brick to look old, the house
rivaled the Queen Mary in construction.
That June day, the chauffeur, Clifford, walked me through
the sun-parched grass, his navy uniform crisp over brown
skin. It was already a hundred degrees. We passed police
dogs lounging on the gallery. One snarled at Clifford and
showed its yellow teeth. A black yardman had thrown stones
at the dog and made it hate African-Americans. Clifford
marched on.
Rockers rattled in the breeze, and windows reflected
uneasy trees. My mother had waved good-bye on this gallery
before running off with her lover over the timeless gray
sea. She had brushed back my hair, soft fingers soothing
my temples, and promised we would be together soon, if
only I would visit her in Paris.
Clifford heaved back the steel door, spilling out cold
air, and smiled. Had he learned of my expulsion from
Ursulines Boarding School? He was always kind enough to
avoid hurtful subjects. I’d been living with my Dad
in the city, and last week the nuns told him they had
denied my appeal. Where could I repeat senior year?
A portrait of my twenty-eight-year-old uncle in the foyer
startled me. He seemed so close, almost breathing. His
soft doe eyes looked down as if to say hello, youth
lending sweetness to a brooding smile. It carried an edge,
which defied his hair, loose and tumbling against his
brow, and huge hands, defiantly useless, resting on
china-white slacks.
Uncle took twenty years to rip off that suit and run
off to the French Quarter. How long will it take me?
Clifford led me to the chilled morning room, with its
swags of dreary olive fabric and silk cord. The expensive
furnishings were upstairs on the second floor, higher than
the surges of Hurricane Camille in `69. Serenity, built in
1971 one thousand feet farther back from the Gulf than the
previous mansion, was twice as big.
I started to call a friend on my cell phone when from
upstairs, my grandmother, Irene Dubonnet, screamed a
greeting. She was a petite woman with red hair who, even
in stifling Mississippi, dressed as if going to high tea.
A widow, she still wore the classic style appropriate to
her husband’s career: designer suits, pencil-heeled
pumps, hair swept in a loose French twist.
She waited for me on the second floor balcony, outside the
living room. Her gray eyes took in my T-shirt with a
dismissive stare as I ducked through the French doors. She
was a proper woman who had done all the right things to
get a rich husband, and she didn’t want her
façade to be broken by a sloppy granddaughter, now
that he was dead.
I pecked Grandma’s forehead, which reeked of Chanel.
To others, she appeared unemotional because she used calm
as a shield during a crisis. I knew she was tense. We sat
on coffin-gray chairs, me slouching, she upright against
the wall, to catch every drop of shade. Her skin was
sensitized by weekly peelings and facials and would flare
up on the least provocation.
Below, my white German shepherd, Greta, lunged at
Clifford, who leashed her and took her whimpering away
behind the house.
Nature seemed uneasy, the sun speckled and hot, the Gulf
too quiet, the moss thinning in the oak trees. Drilling
offshore had eroded the marshlands that surrounded the
villa and dirtied the water out front.
The family didn’t talk about global warming in New
Orleans or Mississippi unless it was to raise the A/C when
it was getting hotter or to negotiate a better contract
from the oil companies drilling in the Gulf out front. The
family owned the water rights in front of Serenity and
leased them to companies that paid a good price and
drilled discreetly beyond sight. The same companies
financed legislation to support the New Orleans Zoo, the
Aquarium, and nature parks throughout Mississippi and
Louisiana. One time Grandpa had entertained letting them
test for oil on our back property because of the huge
prices paid, but Grandma had held firm.
Today, she appeared calculating behind intense eyes. Had
she received my report card?
“Beastly weather! Boils the flesh!” Grandma
said. “Your Uncle Blaise doesn’t seem to mind.
He likes it.”
My pulse quickened at my uncle’s name. I fantasized
a sexual explosion between us, kissing underwater, then a
rendezvous at midnight in the guest bedroom. He was a few
years older than his portrait in the living room, but I
carried that image inside me.
No one knew of my desire. Even though my mother was
adopted and Uncle Blaise was no blood relation, it
didn’t squelch the guilt. If I didn’t meet
some boys soon I’d lie down naked before the first
gardener I found.
Put down that spade. Spade me, spade me.
I looked out. The gallery of oaks screening the house
forbade approach. Behind them, a shiny highway coiled
before the private beaches of the Gulf of Mexico. Few boys
would have the nerve to visit here.
Grandma loved to socialize. “I’ll line up some
sailing lessons for you.” She smiled, lips tight
over perfect teeth, and handed me the yacht club schedule.
“Your uncle will take you the first time.”
My heart skipped. Blaise preferred regattas and champagne
to jeans and Pepsi. He’d studied at the Philadelphia
School of Art and shocked the family by painting nudes in
the New Orleans French Quarter. How was I to deal with
this man whose brushstrokes captured breasts and thighs,
who sculpted women in oils so he could touch every curve
in their bodies?
Grandma frowned down at Clifford, who was below us on the
gravel drive. He washed the Cadillac daily, the dripping
hose loose and familiar. She didn’t like her help
out front. But, mud in the back yard got soggy quickly
because of the nearby swamplands.
Oh, how I wished she could talk to him and not me. With
her, I felt on the defensive. Perhaps the sternness in her
voice came from the heat and not that rotten report
card.
“Cadillacs suit any occasion, Sistie. Weddings,
funerals, divorces. What was that thing your uncle
drove?”
“A yellow sports van.”
“A banana truck. Far be it for me to judge your
uncle. The older he gets, the less he resembles me.”
She poked at the brace that squeezed her torso. Her car
had slammed into a pothole, racing to report Blaise
missing to the Coast Guard when he took the sunfish out
during a squall. “Blaise is totally
unreliable.”
“Unreliable?”
“Defends your mother’s running off to Paris.
We won’t discuss this thing. Your mother’s
remarriage thing.”
“Yes, Grandma.”
“I don’t like that word. It’s
‘Irene.’ ”
“Irene.” First-naming someone so old felt
disrespectful, like a funeral director nicknaming a
corpse.
“I don’t like ‘Sistie’ either. Why
not call yourself after me and my mother?”
My real name was Irene Leger (pronounced lay/jay like the
French) Teddy Roosevelt had called his grandchildren
Sistie and Buzzy years ago, and Mama was reading his
biography when she got pregnant with me. “Popular
kids have nicknames,” Mama had said.
“Especially girls. I’m Kitten, you’re
Sistie, then there’s Aunt Bitsy, Cousin Peaches,
Tootie, Pudding, Bootsy, and Muffin.”
“You’re Irene to me. Besides, your mother is
pubescent. Leads a self-centered lifestyle. I hope you
pray for her, because I can’t.” Grandma
straightened the pearls between her tiny breasts.
“You and I have the advantage of being full
busted,” Mama would say. “And blond. We can
act smart and not scare men off. But those blood Dubonnets
like Blaise are tall and dark haired.” Then she
would let out her high lilting laugh. “ So I like
being an adoptee.”
“I don’t like your Mama’s
attitude,” Grandma said, after a lapse in which she
searched for a way to bolster her opinion. “Women
need strong first names but they should use their married
names, whenever possible. I tell most people to call me
Mrs. Dubonnet so they know to whom they are speaking. Your
mother should learn to be less familiar--Nicknames are an
invitation to a proximity you may not want.”
Mama had left after Grandpa died April 4, postponing her
remarriage to May 7 and slipping away the next day. Dad
sold our house June 1 and went to live in the French
Quarter, and I boarded with the Ursuline nuns.
Outdoors a sea breeze from the Gulf shore picked through
my hair. For a moment, I was thirteen; squishing wet sand
into a castle while my mother sunbathed and read The House
of Mirth. “You need to build up your soul with
books. You’re going to love Edith Wharton,”
Mama had said, her voice resonating to the red splashes of
sunset. She quoted a line: “My heart was beating all over my body—in my
throat, my limbs—”
Was my mother lonely then? Had she already given up on
Dad?
My father had strolled over, hadn’t touched us, just
walked down the beach. Mama had raked my hair back in a
slow sweeping motion. I supposed I could go the rest of my
life without talking to my father. Millions did. Still,
sometimes I missed the pale blue eyes that shone through
me. His touch rattled my heart. But I could do without it,
if I had my mother.
Grandma handed me a card from my mama in Paris, heralding
the Luxembourg Gardens: luscious roses and Greek
fountains. If I ever got lost when I visited Paris, Mama
had promised to meet me there. On the card was the giant
fountain where nude powerful Cupid reached for his beloved
Psyche. Water streamed down their moss-encrusted faces,
chests, and thighs. Did Mama read Ronsard to her lover
there? Did he appreciate the poet of chivalry who
eulogized the child named Rose? “Rose who lived like roses. The space of one
morning.”
My mother loved American beauties. When she’d get a
bouquet from my dad after some transgression, she’d
pick the sweetest one and perch it delicately on her
dresser. “Rose who lived like roses.” I kissed
the card.
Grandma winced as if she too missed Mama. “For each
action there is a natural reaction,” Grandma said.
“Mine is different from yours because you’ve
your mother’s sentimentality. If I’d known the
pain that adoption would cause, I’d have sent her
back. The girl goes to the best schools, makes her debut,
marries a professional man, then runs off to some foreign
country and sends a monthly card.”
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